TFS, Tucker and Ozbhoy's After Grog Blog

Let Us Pray

2005-04-04T22:47:00.000+10:00

So on the Saturday just gone I did journey forth to The Caxton I was to meet with fellow worshippers TFS and Tucker.
Alas only one could make the ardous journey and as it was Tucker and my self stood arm in arm to pray.

The night stated awkwardly as we were two strangers who had only a passing knowledge of each other and had met through a third party, namely TFS. We chatted and drank whilst the morons watching the rugby league on the telly did their best to make sure that we both appeared deaf by constantly asking "sorry, what did you say"

The night was livened up by the appearance of a gentleman who sans pants made for a lap around the bar. Unfortunately security nabbed him but not before much mirth was enjoyed by all.

A pub crawl entered the hotel after a bit and what was a small crowd was bolstered into standing room only. The pub crawl members comprised of four divisions of a local hockey team. And one fellow in particular shared our table and his jug of spirits.

Conversation flowed as did the booze and after one toilet stop I emerged to find Tucker up to his eyes in women. The fairer sex had invaded our table and after some stilted conversation and a lame joke that went down like a lead balloon (from yours truly) they departed.

They were replaced by an extremely drunken fellow on his bucks night. His friend was very chatty and after a bit the groom was asked to leave. The night after this began to grind to a halt,we decided to pull the pin and as the 'sensible one' (designated driver *grumbles to self*) I drove Tucker to the train station and proceeded home.

All in all a good night and hopefully at the next prayer meet we can get a few more members *raises eyebrows in direction of Verbs and TFS* and get the whole robe thing off the ground.

Dream with me lads, dream with me.

Test Of Faith

2005-03-29T16:19:00.000+10:00

I would like to officially announce that as of 10pm Sunday I have taken a vow of dehydration.

No alcohol shall pass my lips for the next 40 days and 40 nights. Now before people start screaming "BLASPHEMER" and "HERETIC" I believe I should explain. Jesus wandered for 40 days and nights in the desert (no doubt constantly cursing himself for not packing the street directory) before reemerging to forge one of the worlds largest religions.

I too hope to humbly emulate old JC and upon the completion of my ardous labour I, with the help of a select and blessed few, will set up a religion that shall sweep the world and unite all under its drunken banner.

I shall still attend prayer meets but will of course be on the iced waters.

Unoffical Vote Counts as at 24th April 1755Hrs

2005-03-24T18:02:00.000+10:00

Well I counted the votes that where on the comments log:

William Shatner 15
Ron Hitler Barassi 12
Dennis Leary 3
Christopher Reeves re-animated corpse 1
Drakk 1
Kermit the Frog 1
Prince 1
Tom Waits 1

It really it is a close race with William Shatner and Ron Hitler Barassi.

Lets pull together and get everyone to vote for Shatner.

Address Sense

2005-03-10T10:12:00.000+10:00

Finally checked my e-mail this morning and found confirmation of my domain name registration for aftergrogblog.com. Tucker and Oz shall soon have an aftergrog.com e-mail address each, and I'll extend this to all those who join our beer based religion.

Also, typing ozbhoy.aftergrogblog.com into the address bar of your web browser of choice will take you to Beer o'Clock and tucker.aftergrogblog.com will take you to Crazy Tuckstain.

Hmmm...

2005-03-09T10:06:00.000+10:00

Something that hasn't been discussed in a while across the 4 or 5 blogs that Oz, Tucker and myself post/comment on, is our religion based on the drinking of Alcohol.

It occured to me the other day that we don't have a name for it yet...or do we? If we do, can someone tell me what it is, cos I got left out of that meeting. We've got a prayer, we've got a few ideas for regular meeting spots, and we've all got the intention to drink lots of grog. Of course the other two are succeding in their mission to eat, drink and be merry and I'm unfortunately getting a little left behind due to the ridiculous amount of travelling I've been doing.

Anyway, point of this post was to kick off another discusion about our beer religion, I think we all got a bit wrapped up in Christianity 2.0 and the War of the Grog Blogs. Time to get back to what we're good at...as soon as I figure out what that is, I'll let you know.

Tony

2005-03-05T18:44:00.000+10:00

I'm not interested in getting into a pissing contest with you over a blog name. So what if we both use the name? Does it really bloody matter?!

No I did not Google it, and why should I have? No I did not steal your name, I came up with it independently. Until today I had never even laid eyes on your blog. In fact, I got the idea from the term After Grog Bog, which is what we called going for a dump after a long nights drinking back in SAfrica. You know the sort I'm talking about. They're fucking nasty.

As far as it being your name goes, I don't see it as a registered trade mark? You don't have a domain name registered at all. Yeah, you've obviously been using it for a while. But you don't own the words "After", "Grog" and "Blog" do you?

All you had to do was e-mail me, and talk to me about it. That's all. My e-mail address is on this site and TFS.com. Hell, I would've probably changed it, and even linked you. But no, you go and throw a little hissy fit over on your blog and accuse me of stealing something you don't even own. If you've got such a problem with it, go register it. Get a domain, get it trademarked. Then I'll change it.

All this is, is a blog for Tucker, Oz and myself to blog amusing anecdotes related to our drunkeness. If people are stupid enough to confuse this blog with yours, that's their problem. They are clearly very different.

Oh and for your benifit: click here or here.

Dear Alcohol

2005-03-01T22:24:00.000+10:00

Thanks to Lauren for this one...

Dear Alcohol:

First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holiday's hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls:
While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating:
Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness:
Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore:
The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your biggest fan

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have $ex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

Off to a bad start...

2005-02-28T08:02:00.000+10:00

So the whole beer religious meetings thing got off to a pretty bad start. I'd like to say due to the fact that I couldn't make it, and without me the whole religion falls apart, but that just wouldn't be true ;o)

Suggestions for the next event? Same venue? Different venue? Date? Time? Gerbils, yer or no?

Also, might be an idea for us to actually have each others mobile numbers, just in case.

Oh and I suggested these as a comment on Oz's blog, but I'll add em here to. We need hymns. I was thinking Alcohol by Barenaked Ladies and El Capitan by whoever sings it as two possibilities.

Man's not a camel

2005-02-26T20:18:00.000+10:00

Responses?

Don't Drink and Ride Kids

2005-02-20T00:41:00.000+10:00

When I lived in Cairns I used to ride my pushbike into town for a night on the turps. Riding it home was always difficult, but ride it home I would.

I always found changing gears the hardest whilst pissed as well as forgetting to tuck in the trouser leg near the chain. Many was the next morning I would awake to find myself bruised and scratched from having fallen from the bike.

One such night saw me rather pickled and attempting to cycle home along a four lane road. I can't recall the name of the road but it connected Cairns to the freeway and was thus an extremely busy thoroughfare. Oblivious to all around me I cycled and sang (as is my wont when drunk) and proceeded to cross two lanes of the road and crash up onto the median strip. This will do for the night I decided and off to beddy byes I went. I don't know how long I lay there but I was awoken by two fellows who asked me if I was alright. I can't recall my response but they picked me up and placed myself and my pushbike in their car and drove me home. I remember them waking me and then nothing till the next morning, Brian, my housemate told me they had knocked on the door and woken him and the three of them put me to bed and placed my bike downstairs.
Whilst enduring an horrendous hangover I discovered my wallet missing, I scoured the house and could not find it, and as I was preparing to curse my saviours the phone rang and the manager of one of the pubs I had been too told me that he had my wallet. Someone had handed it in. With the money still in it!

I would like to just say that after this incident I never drank and rode again. But that would be an outright lie.

Drinks for all

2005-02-20T00:13:00.000+10:00

Saturday the 26th February 2005
1630

For the day of the Lord commeth
Come one, Come all, Drinking shall be the norm.

Please make sure that you are aware of the Beer Prayer

Our lager,Which art in barrels,

Hallowed be thy drink.

Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),

At home as it is in the tavern.

Give us this day our foamy head,

And forgive us our spillage,

As we forgive those who spill against us.

And lead us not to incarceration,But deliver us from hangovers.

For thine is the beer, the bitter, and the lager.Barmen.

If you would like more information please email: tucker@thatfilthyspringbok.com

New look...

2005-02-19T16:50:00.000+10:00

Well, I've changed the template. I've still got a few ideas for it, and the title text will get an over hall once I can find a font I like...yes, I'm a geek, I know. Let me know what you think...

Shitzenfacen

2005-02-17T20:16:00.000+10:00

I have a slight problem, for I was thinking of my current drinking expos to attend.

1. Graduation (25th Feb)
2. Proposed Drinking night (26th Springy & I thought it best for then) Ozhboy get back to me please about the night

But my dilemma is not drinking two nights, but getting the message to the bloggers about the place and time

HOTEL LA
2030 hrs
SATURDAY 26TH FEBRUARY 05

Confessions of an ex-drink driver...#1

2005-02-17T09:05:00.000+10:00

Ok hate me all you want, but yes, I used to drink and drive. I'm sorry, but for the Aussies who're gasping in shock out there, we don't have a public transport system that can be trusted in Africa. You are SAFER if you drive home drunk than if you caught a train, bus or taxi. Hell, I don't think you can even catch a bus!

So yeah, that's why I used to drive home, even if I'd had a few drinks. Normally the trip wasn't too far or there was somewhere near by that we were gonna crash at for a while. But on the particular occasion I'll relate, I'd gone a bit overboard (liquid cocaine is evil evil but fantastic stuff!), had followed people to the venue and had absolutely no idea where I was or how to get home.

It was a work farewell party at Billy the Bums in Durban. I've been there since, but I still don't know exactly how to get there though. I'd started off on the cider, at that stage still not being a beer drinker (yes, yes...I know, shut up and listen), but at some point a bottle of luminecent blue goodness was brought to the table. I discovered the name of this sweet nectar some months later, and have had a taste for it ever since. It was of course Liquid Cocaine. 1 part Bols Blue, 1 Part Vodka, dash of lime, shaken in a coctain shaker over crushed ice...mmmmm. Anyway, I'd hit the blue stuff pretty hard, had a few more ciders, possibly some beer and was seriously out of it by the time I decided I should pack it in. Amazingly I have very clear memeories of certain parts of the night:

I remember, for example, that May got me to smoke a cherry cigar. Fortunately I was clever enough not to inhale. or maybe it was Mike shaking me and going don't inhale. Hmmm. Anyway, I also remember getting up to leave, saying good by to various people, and heading for the door. At the door a large bald man, obviously a bouncer, asked me to hit some guy for him. My response was something along the lines of not even being able to hit myself at the moment...let alone someone twice my size, and I proceded to walk to my car. That at least got a laugh, I think I'm actually funnier drunk to be honest. I got to my car and fought with the key and the lock. I eventually got into my car and fought with the seatbelt, and snap in radio face plate. I won the battle with the seat belt, but lost the battle with the face plate. I then remember pulling out of the parking, getting to a set of traffic lights and turning right...

...the next thing I remember is going "OH FUCK!" and having the distinct impression that I'd hit something. Thankfully I hadn't hit a person, but I had managed to pop the left front tire of my little 1300 Toyota Tazz (Aussies, think Holden Nova). So I stop on the side of the road, swearing to myself. I have a brief rematch with the seatbelt, followed by an altercation with with the boot, spare wheel, jack and tyre iron. They ganged up on me. I managed to get all the tyre changing paraphenalia to the region of the popped tyre. It's only then that I lean against the car and look around...

...I'm in the middle of a township. That's right, middle class white boy, flat tyre, 2am (I think I'd left the club at about 1am), middle of a black township. For the non south african's, I'll explain how fucking stupid this is at a late date. Needless to say, I panic. Grab all the tyre chaning shit and toss it in the boot. Jump back in the car and lock all the doors. Then the hunt of my mobile phone begins. I'd only just picked it up the week before (that's another idiotic story, in my haste I managed to lock my keys, wallet and old phone in the car), and now I couldn't find it. I checked my pockets 4 times, and had decided I'd either lost it in the club or left it outside the car. I then caught site of it sitting next to the radio face I'd been fighting with earlier. How it got there, I had no idea. At this stage I'd been spotted and there was a group of 3 or 4 people watching me from about 50m away. Very un nerving. I started going through my phone book, and most of the people in there were either too far away or back at the party or would kill me. So I was stuck...

...of course panic is a very sobering emotion, and I'd started to take stock, and realised exactly where I was, and thankfully, I knew the area a little, having had to drive through it a few times at high speed looking for a computer wholesaler in the adjacent industrial area. I realised that there was a petrol station not too far away. It was at this point that the group of people started to walk towards the car. I started the engine and started to drive off slowly...when they broke into a run to catch up, I floored it as best I could on 3 functioning tyres, and headed up the road towards the petrol station...

...I made it there in one piece, although my tyre was not so lucky. I pulled up at the petrol station, and all I can say is thank god for petrol attendants!! This old black guy came out to see what I needed. I explained to him that I was in no state to change the tyre I'd popped, and asked if he would be able to do it for me. He was more than happy to help and got it all changed while I leaned on the car trying to breath and not to puke. I managed the breathing bit, but as for the puking...well...there was a lot of blue chicken (I'd apparently eaten chicken at the dinner) next to the petrol pumps when I left. What's the old guy do? Have a go at me? Not at all! He stopped changing my tyre, went back inside and got me a glass of water!! How fucking awesome was he?! No I didn't drive off, but I'm not clear on exactly how much money I gave him by way of showing my gratitude. I know it was at least R50...possibly R100. Either way he did well out of it....

...the rest of the drive was pretty uneventful. I got home alive, collapsed on...or possible near...my bed and fell asleep. In the morning I wasn't on my bed, so maybe I didn't make it there. I also had possibly the worst hangover I have ever had. After 2 showers and 2 minutes brushing my teeth, I started to feel slightly human. At that stage I'd forgotten to go shopping, so I had to resort to ice cream for breakfast...yes, that's all I had! I then decided to go to the Pavillion, my spiritual home away from home, for a bit of window shopping and feeling sorry for myself. When I left my flat and got to my car, there was something wrong with it, I couldn't put my finger on it until 2 days later when I parked next to a simillar model car...I'd managed to not only pop my tyre, but loose ALL FOUR HUBCAPS as well! Am I talented or what...

...later that week I got the tyre replaced. The wheel rim was fine, in case you were wondering. No I have no idea how it escaped damage. The guy at the tyre place was pretty impressed with my sheer stupidity once he'd seen the tyre itself. There were fist sized chuncks of tyre missing. In total there was probably only about 60% of the tyre left.

So yeah, that's possibly the dumbest thing I've ever done. Drink-driving wise anyway. Yes I've done it since, but I've been a lot more careful at any rate. And I haven't done it since I've moved to Aus...yet anyway. At least here the public transport system is semi-decent.

Oz

2005-02-16T10:55:00.000+10:00

Ozbhoy, need ya to e-mail me so I can send out the blog invite for AGB. springbok@thatfilthyspringbok.com. Oh and if you and Tuck want @thatfilthyspringbok.com forwarding addresses let me know. Am thinking about setting up a URL for this as well so we might even end up with some @aftergrogblog.com addresses.

Oh and the pink will go...as soon as I get time to work on the template. Probably sometime tonight when I land in Rockhampton. Did a bit of work on it last night, I've got a logo done...sort of, now it's a matter of working on the template itself.

Splatter

2005-02-15T20:41:00.000+10:00

Well the first entry on my blog was it started with a splat, so I figured it must be a splatter by now. So its now an offical Crazy Tuckstain Splat

I'll enter more splatters later

It is done...

2005-02-15T20:14:00.000+10:00

Well here it is...the After Grog Blog. Why the shitty pink theme? Cos it was the shittiest!! Oz and Tuck, ur invites are in the mail.